Lawyer’s Lament: A Guide to Better Attorney–Client Relationships in Trusts and Estates
Lawyers have never been the darlings of public opinion. We’ve all heard the nicknames—shark, ambulance chaser, shyster, and my personal favorite, pettifogger.
Yet, on an individual level, lawyers often earn their clients’ trust and respect through hard work, creative problem-solving, and favorable results. After more than 40 years practicing in trusts and estates law, I’ve learned that a strong attorney–client relationship is not just about skill—it’s about how we work together.
Here are five guidelines to help clients get the best from their lawyer in this field:
1. Work with a specialist.
Lawyers, like doctors, specialize. You wouldn’t see a proctologist for an eye problem; similarly, you shouldn’t expect your trusts and estates lawyer to handle a criminal defense or an immigration matter. When clients ask me about areas outside my expertise, I politely decline—because they deserve advice from someone who truly knows that area of law.
2. Respect state boundaries.
Lawyers are licensed state by state. I can advise only on matters in the states where I’m admitted. If your uncle’s estate is in Utah, I can’t ethically guide you on the specifics. It’s not reluctance—it’s the law, and working with an attorney licensed in that jurisdiction will protect you from costly mistakes.
3. Avoid quick, incomplete answers.
Most lawyers love to give answers. If you call or email me, I want to be helpful. But without full context, even a well-intentioned answer can mislead. Recently, a client emailed a broad question about estate taxes. I replied with a general answer, unaware that the client’s wealth had grown significantly. My incomplete response caused unnecessary frustration. Lesson learned: the best answers come after a complete discussion, not a quick reply.
4. Share your story—and expect to be heard.
Law school teaches lawyers to respond to questions, but not necessarily how to listen. My spiritual training transformed my legal practice, teaching me the value of patience and presence. In trusts and estates work—where conversations often touch on death, disability, and family dynamics—context matters. Clients should feel comfortable sharing feelings, background, and hopes, even if it takes time. I often use three simple prompts—“Oh?”, “Really?”, and “Please tell me more.”—to encourage deeper conversation. The more complete the story, the better the advice.
5. Communicate urgency clearly.
Lawyers tend to prioritize the squeaky wheel. If you tell us to “take your time,” your file will quietly sink to the bottom of the stack. Instead, share your expectations for timing and set a shared reminder date. Even better, feel free to follow up with a polite nudge. A good lawyer will welcome clear, respectful communication about deadlines.
These guidelines aren’t just about making your lawyer’s life easier—they’re about ensuring you get thoughtful, timely, and effective service. In trusts and estates law, the best results come when client and attorney work as partners, each respecting the other’s expertise and needs.
